These are words uttered to me from behind begging eyes when I had a dear friend join in my cherade to hide my liquor from another dear friend. But that is beside the point. Right now, I'm talking about love. Not just any love, but that complicated, "I hate you Jody but when I say I hate you I really mean I love you" kinda love. Why? Because now I too am becoming one of those people who forget the gloriousness of love and opts for rolling dolo because I DONT WANNA HURT. Have I lost my mind? Dont answer. I love love. I am love. I'm a LOVEchild. Why should I back down? Why should I live in fear?
Here's where I like to insert my favorite version of a tangent: The Recap - Here goes. . .
The first time I got all into a guy was a mess. I was so taken by his intellect and (I'll just say) "stuff" that I assumed the role of lucky loser waiting for approval/dismissal. Whatever! I aint trying to be like that no more. So then I got a little 'tude about me. Then I met the BD. I wasnt choosy at all. My dearly departed aunt asked me what I liked about him and I had no real answer. "He's spiritual. A lot like my mom." In retrospect, duh! Then there was the madness. This was the time after the BD before the squinting. The time where I just drove on the highway in a used Range Rover with my eyes closed. I dont care about you. You dont care about me. Just get in the d*mn car and let's roll. That was unfulfilling. Then I met The Healer. Oh, boy. Two people-completely lost-ignoring their full scope. Oh, the dreams. Oh, the bullcrap. Oh! That didn't work out. But now I have tasted the sweet taste of actually liking someone. . .not just kicking it to get out of the house, but actually enjoying a conversation -no touch OR liquor involved. So, what now? PRAY! "God, please help me to turn off my insufficent thinking and wait for you to nudge me." Then I got nudged. I know it was a nudge. I know it. And now here I am hiding from hurt. Yep! Me.
