I find myself having some serious digestive issues lately. After thinking it over and trying every natural remedy with which I am familiar, it dawned on me; maybe it is stress. I am very familiar with suffering physically in response to stress. I usually think that I'm dealing with stress just fine. In intense situations you can find me breathing and silently chanting my little optimistic affirmations about this too passing and my ability to pull through. But more often than not I'll come down with a headache later or my neck and shoulder area will ache really really really bad. Here lately, I am experiencing a bird of a totally different feather. After a long evening of dramatic conversation, my stomach seems to stop! Yep, it just stops. At first, I thought it was due to my overeating. . .okay, maybe that's part of it, but I truly believe that its a response to stress. Further, I think that I have a genuine aversion to too much talking. Thoughtful conversation is energy or at least it requires energy. Once I feel that the conversation has reached the edge of its usefulness or that too much energy (compared to its worth) has been expended on it, I have to move on. It's making me sick! Sick! Everyone knows me as a quiet person. Here's one of the reasons why. There is just too much pontification on worn-out issues going on. Dont get it twisted. I can listen to my beloved minister do his thing. I can join in on a community lecture. These things actually satisfy my soul. But when one person or one topic is drudged through the mud til there's just dry, bare bones where juicy meat used to be. . .let's drop it.
Now, the significance to my goddess quest: Imma hafta get over this. I believe that people are entitled to their opinions. Just because I'm not a big talker doesnt mean that I shouldnt give the talkers fair ground to do just so. Besides, I like to have Big Talkers in my close circle because I suck at it and they balance me. But at the same time, I shouldn't sit up and listen AT LENGTH to some sh*! I no longer want to hear. I'm thinking the solution (which is always the solution, by the way) is: open, honest, unashamed, forthright, strongwilled communication. And when that doesn't work I'll try unashamed, forthright, strongwilled subject switching. For my tummy in the meantime, I'll try to find a better weight gain strategy than eating 2.5 servings of grits for brunch (but please believe, I aint losing one inch of hip/booty/thigh meat!)
Holla!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
love and honesty
I just finished watching a really great movie called "Bella". It involved tragedy, but it was so beautiful because the family was so loving. It was as if they could love each other through whatever. I come from a loving family. Most of my compadres tell me flat out that they WISH they were as close with their moms as I am with mine. Unfortunately, I never learned the art of flat out honesty. I have begun to dabble in it lately, but I usually end up pissing people off. My sister is good with it and it doesnt hurt when she does it. She is also tough enough to completely blow off insults and rude behavior without crying or losing her amazingly thorough kewl in public. I am trying to get there. Everything makes me cry (almost) and usually when someone hurts me and I let on that they've hurt me. . .or when I hurt someone else, the love is "lost". I want to get to the point where I can understand that shcrap happens. It does. And when it does, there doesnt have to be any love lost. I mean, let me just be all the way honest. I am soooooo mad and hurt by the actions and circumstances surrounding my first adult relationship, but I still love and even miss him a little. I want him to be doing alright. I want to. . .whatever. Anyway, my point is that I believe that on my quest to finding my inner goddess (more on that later) I have to learn to be all the way honest about my joys and pains and likes and dislikes and not be afraid of or led by my fear of loneliness. If we fall out, we can fix it. I am kinda impulsive (when I'm honest with my self) and if an impulse led me to snap at you the love can just as quickly lead me to apologize. Right?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Love Re(v)ellion
Here's a reprint from a previous blog 'o mine. Yes, this is blog plagiarism. . .but I own the rights so, "Boom!" Anyway, I think this is quite reflective of me and my inner goddess. Enjoy. Know me, Love me.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Who loves ya, babe?!
Got this in an email today from a friend (who will remain nameless):
"for real tho.. i cant wait until you get married, you are one of the most (if not, the most) lovey dovey, touchy feely, wear your heart on your sleeve, people that i know and i think i would just be in tears all day because you would be like, overflowing with joy and you are so fufilled by love and relationships... sorry on a tangent... "
This comes at a great time because I am sooooooo irritated today. I got a sinus headache that wont give (my mom is diagnosing me with an infection right this instant). Unfortunately, I dont think I can swing a co-pay and a prescription just yet. Anyway, let us focus on one central theme: I am fulfilled by love and relationships.(then)?(then)! I guess it's true. My new mental response to the well-intentioned who tell me that they arent ready for marriage and neither am I, is: I know what type of goddess I embody/represent/am and she is vulnerable. She draws strength from loving and serving. She doesn't feel that she is weakened by what may be referred to as "traditional feminine roles". But, she dislikes being used. Usery is a quick road to the *bleep* LIST. The confusion comes into play, however, when you live on the planet earth in 2008 where everyone is proving a point and riding a (dare I say) rollercoaster of emotions.
Oh yea, the point. My point is that I'm LOVEY DOVEY. I revel in it and I love being around people with whom I am comfortable enough to let it all hang out. I looked up the word "revel" and it seems to have some connection to "rebel". So, poop on he that would poop on me for being "too nice". This is me. It's my personal rebellion against angry, disgruntled, bad breath having, emotional nitwits.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Who loves ya, babe?!
Got this in an email today from a friend (who will remain nameless):
"for real tho.. i cant wait until you get married, you are one of the most (if not, the most) lovey dovey, touchy feely, wear your heart on your sleeve, people that i know and i think i would just be in tears all day because you would be like, overflowing with joy and you are so fufilled by love and relationships... sorry on a tangent... "
This comes at a great time because I am sooooooo irritated today. I got a sinus headache that wont give (my mom is diagnosing me with an infection right this instant). Unfortunately, I dont think I can swing a co-pay and a prescription just yet. Anyway, let us focus on one central theme: I am fulfilled by love and relationships.(then)?(then)! I guess it's true. My new mental response to the well-intentioned who tell me that they arent ready for marriage and neither am I, is: I know what type of goddess I embody/represent/am and she is vulnerable. She draws strength from loving and serving. She doesn't feel that she is weakened by what may be referred to as "traditional feminine roles". But, she dislikes being used. Usery is a quick road to the *bleep* LIST. The confusion comes into play, however, when you live on the planet earth in 2008 where everyone is proving a point and riding a (dare I say) rollercoaster of emotions.
Oh yea, the point. My point is that I'm LOVEY DOVEY. I revel in it and I love being around people with whom I am comfortable enough to let it all hang out. I looked up the word "revel" and it seems to have some connection to "rebel". So, poop on he that would poop on me for being "too nice". This is me. It's my personal rebellion against angry, disgruntled, bad breath having, emotional nitwits.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
All the Single Men?
Oh, yes! I am sooooo gonna to ride this mutha-uhn uhn til the wheels fall off.
Yes, I still got a tinge of beef with Justin "Loser"lake (that's what my nephews call him), but if ya work it, ya work it. And he's workin' it! Go B, Go JT, Go fine-whiteboy-from-Clueless, Go Funny-SNL-Rappin-Narnia Dude!
Please stop viewing at the 4:47 point. Eh? And if that don't work, try this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2I121W5AlA
Yes, I still got a tinge of beef with Justin "Loser"lake (that's what my nephews call him), but if ya work it, ya work it. And he's workin' it! Go B, Go JT, Go fine-whiteboy-from-Clueless, Go Funny-SNL-Rappin-Narnia Dude!
Please stop viewing at the 4:47 point. Eh? And if that don't work, try this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2I121W5AlA
Twenty-Eight, Up!
Friday was my birthday.
I had a pretty good time (although I could be lying right now as not to sound ungrateful for all the loving people in my life who happen to not be "best best kickin it buddies" but still tried to spend time with me because they know that I am sensitive and they didnt want to leave me somewhere sad and lonely which I hate. . .dwell on it!). The work day was nice. I had sushi for lunch. For some strange reason I thought that if it was deep-fried that the salmon would be cooked like it is at this other place. Nope! It was raw. And I ordered it. So I ate it. It was good, too. But I have no plans for going back. This year I've been called out twice; once for not expanding my mind to calamari and once for frowning at sushi. Both times by men who need to expand their minds to dark-skinned ars. Back to me --Mission accomplished. Naysayers, fcuk off!
Meanwhile, back at the office, I laid low in the office while the homies gathered in the employee lounge. Happy Birthday they yelled. Then we ate cake.
I had a good work day.
I dropped my son with my big cousin and littler cousins on a whim. They had a blast. I went to the grown folks spot. Eh. Then I left and went to the young and glamorous folks spot. Shoulda stayed with the grown folks. Heck, I shoulda stayed with the cousins and my baby boy. Then went to my parents and just absorbed the love. Instead, I tried to get fly and kick it. Not really at the place. Doesn't quite work. So I sat at the bar drinking cranberry juice. Mixed with ginger ale. Fighting tears. At the bar. On my birthday.
Brutal honesty burns me. But it's supposed to be cathartic.
"Whoop when ya feel it, holla if ya hear it." -jilly-from-philly
I had a pretty good time (although I could be lying right now as not to sound ungrateful for all the loving people in my life who happen to not be "best best kickin it buddies" but still tried to spend time with me because they know that I am sensitive and they didnt want to leave me somewhere sad and lonely which I hate. . .dwell on it!). The work day was nice. I had sushi for lunch. For some strange reason I thought that if it was deep-fried that the salmon would be cooked like it is at this other place. Nope! It was raw. And I ordered it. So I ate it. It was good, too. But I have no plans for going back. This year I've been called out twice; once for not expanding my mind to calamari and once for frowning at sushi. Both times by men who need to expand their minds to dark-skinned ars. Back to me --Mission accomplished. Naysayers, fcuk off!
Meanwhile, back at the office, I laid low in the office while the homies gathered in the employee lounge. Happy Birthday they yelled. Then we ate cake.
I had a good work day.
I dropped my son with my big cousin and littler cousins on a whim. They had a blast. I went to the grown folks spot. Eh. Then I left and went to the young and glamorous folks spot. Shoulda stayed with the grown folks. Heck, I shoulda stayed with the cousins and my baby boy. Then went to my parents and just absorbed the love. Instead, I tried to get fly and kick it. Not really at the place. Doesn't quite work. So I sat at the bar drinking cranberry juice. Mixed with ginger ale. Fighting tears. At the bar. On my birthday.
Brutal honesty burns me. But it's supposed to be cathartic.
"Whoop when ya feel it, holla if ya hear it." -jilly-from-philly
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Look, ma. No pole!
First day with the new blog? I sure hope this works!
This video is golden. Boy-boy is workin' it. . .whatever it is. I absolutely love seeing people dance and ya' boy is doin' it.
My conscience tells me not to revel in such blurring of lines, but all I can do is holler. Almost like the first time I saw the original video, but with more laughing and clapping.
Get it, littlewhiteboyindrag!
This video is golden. Boy-boy is workin' it. . .whatever it is. I absolutely love seeing people dance and ya' boy is doin' it.
My conscience tells me not to revel in such blurring of lines, but all I can do is holler. Almost like the first time I saw the original video, but with more laughing and clapping.
Get it, littlewhiteboyindrag!
Una Luz Misteriosa
Check this out, Fam:
http://news.aol.com/article/saturn-dazzles-with-mysterious-light/247048
". . . there is something special and unforeseen about this planet's magnetosphere and the way it interacts with the solar wind and the planet's atmosphere . . ."
Apparently, there's something inexplicable going on in the heavens. I do not claim to be a scholar, especially in any scientific undertakings, however, I do love the sky in all its vastness. I also like that Cee-Lo song, "Evening News" cause I thought he was chanting, "Aurora's gonna get you." But it really says, "The night is gonna get you." Same thing. The point is, I am somewhat drawn to twilight. I am looking for a connection between Saturn and . . . When I finish researching (i.e. looking at a couple passages from unfounded sources) I will holla back!
http://news.aol.com/article/saturn-dazzles-with-mysterious-light/247048
". . . there is something special and unforeseen about this planet's magnetosphere and the way it interacts with the solar wind and the planet's atmosphere . . ."
Apparently, there's something inexplicable going on in the heavens. I do not claim to be a scholar, especially in any scientific undertakings, however, I do love the sky in all its vastness. I also like that Cee-Lo song, "Evening News" cause I thought he was chanting, "Aurora's gonna get you." But it really says, "The night is gonna get you." Same thing. The point is, I am somewhat drawn to twilight. I am looking for a connection between Saturn and . . . When I finish researching (i.e. looking at a couple passages from unfounded sources) I will holla back!
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